I.
When he asked
if I liked it,
the bright
yellow paint
splattered
with purple
where the
crumbling ceiling
met the
cracking wall,
time stopped
for long enough
to watch our
precious moments
together replay
in my mind.
I always loved
whatever his
spidery fingers
produced:
the art, the music,
the fluidity
in dance,
the long
firm hug,
the trustworthy
hand held
through a crowd
thick with
pulsating youths.
Unlike everything else,
I didn’t like it,
this Pollock-y
matte paint.
I didn’t like
how the purple
attacked the yellow,
sunshine struggling
through bruises,
surfacing in
painful patches,
fighting for breath
as purple spread,
smothering yellow
before my eyes:
a rash,
an infection,
an aggressive disease.
II.
Three months later
I trembled
in a doctor’s
conference room,
cold white and
stainless steel,
surrounded by
his best friends,
mother, and aunt.
Ricke knew
what the doctor
would say.
We all did.
Our heartbeats
were audible
as the file opened
and words
spoke aloud.
He told me
in the yellow
and purple.
He knew
and I knew
that he was
a frightful
kind of sick
and life
was on a
countdown.
III.
Eleven years
and three
lifetimes ago
we sat on a
Southside curb,
watching traffic pass
in silence.
Eleven was always
his number,
but that
wasn’t his year.
Twelve months in
and HIV
consumed
the yellow
I once knew,
tearing him
apart and
pushing
everything
away.
IV.
I miss
his laughter
the most,
the way his
expressive face
exploded into
violent fits of
contagious hysteria.
I’ve never laughed
as much as
I did with him,
my Ricke,
my best friend,
my soul-brother.
Somewhere near
his laughter floats
atop gentle winds,
swirling through
creeping tendrils
of pumpkin vine
and mighty arms
of sunflower,
and he’s happier
than he ever
was in life.
He is everything
he could never be:
he is free …
Free from
the burdens
of damaged body
and mind,
free from time
and pain,
from longing
and endless
heartache,
free to laugh
and be the joy
he always was,
trapped within
the suffering.
He’s free
to embrace
the living with
his loving laughter,
our Ricke,
riding upon his
comforting winds.
Renee Novosel
All Rights Reserved
Copyright 2014
Dearest Readers,
For a reason unknown, much of my formatting was deleted upon publishing The Laughter. After several failed attempts at editing and re-publishing, I’ve contacted the support team. I apologize for the lack of line spacing, and hope to fix it soon. If anyone has any advice, lay it on me!
Thank you for reading!
Cheers,
Renee
A beautiful and moving poem. Thank you for sharing. The spacing reads fine my end.
Thank you for reading, Pete. This one means so much to me.
Extremely heartrending poem, wonderful work!
All the yellow in the world IS being blocked out by purple, isn’t it? 😦
Thank you very much. Despite all the pain, we’ve got to keep seeking the joy.
Beautiful imagery. Thanks for sharing your soul.
Thank you for reading. 🙂
I look forward to reading more of your work. What attracted you to my post?
It was your post about Maya Angelou, as I recall. We share a common love …
That’s wonderful. Thanks for following!
This poem really moved me, great sound and flow, enjoyed the structure, and the story and its telling was really wonderful. Thanks for blogging it, and thanks for following and liking my writing, best wishes and many blessings Charles.
Charles, thank you so much for your feedback. This one means a lot to me. Thank you also for following, and blessings your way as well.
Thanks, ’til later.
A great memorial…
Thank you. 🙂
Such a beautiful way to capture someone’s moments, to give them life in such an honorable way. Very beautiful.
Thank you, Evan. He was an incredible person.
In the least generic, impersonal way this can be said, I’m so sorry for your loss. I think this is an incredible piece and the fractions of your experience echo out from the poem so vividly. Thank you so much for following me, I feel so blessed that such a beautiful mind wants to read my work. Much love x
I thank you deeply for taking time to read about a person that the entire world should’ve known. Your support means so much. Thank you in turn for sharing your words with the world. Each poem shared proves that we’re never as alone as we sometimes feel. ♡
It was simply an honour to be able to read it. Very true ♡
Thanks for sharing this experience with us. I’m really sorry for your loss, the encouraging part is that death doesn’t put an end to love. The truth is I always look forward to reading your work. You’re such an incredible writer…
Thank you very much, Kemi; your encouragement truly means a lot. There’s a beauty to be found in suffering’s end, despite the pain of those left behind.
Getting people to care about personal stories is difficult in my opinion – especially when one can’t relate such as in my case. But I cared. Beautifully written.
Thank you very much … That’s just how special he was. ♡
Appreciated how the reason why the painting was upsetting hits us only in verse 2.
Colors flow in and out of life. Right now, my color is sky blue…feelings of expansiveness found in shared humanity from your lovely poem.
Thank you for your beautiful comment. It means very much to me, sharing his life with others.
A beautiful poem; a moving tribute!
Thank you, Joseph. Sharing a slice of his story with the world has meant so much to me …
Having lost my first wife to cancer these many years ago I know the difficulty of working through this pain and loss in poetic statement. All I can say is… thank you!
We all share a human experience that sometimes feels so lonely, but we are never alone. My best and thanks to you.
Thank you for coming back with my work I appreciate your time.
And thank you again for sharing something so personal about someone you love, I should be glad to be remembered in the same kind of away my someone who loves me when I leave.
Thank you also! You’re a beautiful writer. Honoring loved ones in death is all that the living have left when they’re gone; sharing his memory means very much to me.
I lost someone I loved along time ago so I understand.
Alex
Thank you, Alex.
You’re welcome we have little to share with each other but our understanding and our compassion, which are priceless. May the depth your pain gifts you with always exceed the depth of your pain, and the boundaries of your joy wider than that which can be measured.
Thank you for sharing so tenderly a very personal journey that has universal power. It touches me deeply in places where I have loved and lost. Thank you.
You are so very welcome – I am honored by your connection with this piece. We share so much love and pain in this life, and although sometimes the pain feels entirely lonely, we are never alone in it. I hope your day is a beautiful one.
Beautifully emotional, evocative and heart-wrenching. Love the structure which hangs together with strength and fragility.
Thank you very much … this was a tough one to get through.